Dating – Fourteen Tips For Women On First Dates

Many women don’t fully understand what to say or do on a first date. Naturally, they try to make the best possible impressions and attempt to obtain as much information about their dates as they can. Unfortunately, the psychological game is complicated, and the result is often an evening that is not much fun.

Ladies, in order to make your first-date experiences more meaningful, you need to be aware of the dos and don’ts from a man’s perspective. Here are fourteen tips that will help you get off to a good start:

1. Don’t Talk About Your Ex.

When out with someone new, many women insist on talking about their ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends. The last thing your date wants to hear about is your ex. Bringing up past relationships shows insecurity and insensitivity. You should go on the first date with a clean slate, demonstrating as little baggage as possible. Make the encounter a positive one rather than trying to prove your value by emphasizing the attention other men have given you.

2. Don’t Talk About Your Son.

Women with failed relationships often shift their adoration from their husbands to their sons. Suddenly, the son is a genius, an expert at everything, and able to solve all conceivable problems. This attitude is remarkably transparent. Your date wants to meet you and put his best foot forward. He is not interested in competing with your imaginary heroes.

3. Don’t Tell The Movie-Star Story.

Avoid telling the movie-star story. You know, the one where you are in a restaurant and a movie star walks in with his gorgeous girlfriend and his eyes meet yours. He stares at you openly, and you feel so uncomfortable that you have to look away. You absolutely want to die with embarrassment!

This disingenuous story is related over and over by women trying to prove their worth and is one of the definite no-no’s on our list. If perchance you are the one female in three billion to whom this really has happened, forgo telling the tale all the same. You’ll have a more enjoyable evening if you do.

4. Do Focus The Conversation On The Man Half Of The Time.

Before going on a date, review my article on improving your conversation skills, which discusses the virtue of maintaining a balanced dialogue. Rest assured, the guy will be anxious to know all about you, but if you want things to go well, you should talk about him, too. If he turns out to be a moron who is unaware that he’s doing all the talking, you can decide later if he’s a keeper. At least he won’t be the one making that decision about you.

5. Don’t Offer To Pay If You Don’t Mean It.

Once I took a young lady to the movies, and just as we were approaching the ticket booth, she waved a ten-dollar bill in the air and looked away. Obviously, she didn’t feel comfortable paying, and I quickly told her to put the bill away. This happened in the days when it was expected that the man would always pay, but even so, the impression it made on me was negative. It would have been far better for her not to have offered at all.

6. Don’t Claim To Be An Independent Woman, If You’re Not.

Several men have related to me their experiences dating “independent” women. According to their reports, some self-declared independent women conveniently excuse themselves to go to the restroom just as the check arrives, others make half-hearted offers to pay their share, and a smaller group orders drinks or food to go just before the waiter closes the tab. If you intend to ignore the fact that the man may make less money than you do, then at least have the courtesy not to claim in your dating-website bio that you are an independent woman. In these days of equitable salaries, the bill for every first date should be split right down the middle, and you should insist on its being that way.

7. Don’t Wear Your Sweats.

No matter how nice your new workout outfit may be, it’s still a sweat suit. The man wants to meet you because he is looking for a person with qualities that are different from his own. If you want to impress him, go dressed in something that makes you appear feminine.

8. Don’t Brag.

Football players feel entitled to celebrate in the end zone, and businesspeople think they have to blow their own horns in order to be successful. Personal relationships, however, are different. Your goal on a first date should be to evaluate the man’s qualities and reveal enough of your own such that he can do the same. Bragging is unbecoming. A little humility will serve you well at this opening moment of the relationship.

9. Don’t Be Late.

Some women plan to be fashionably late to the date. Either they want to create the impression that they are so busy that the guy is lucky to get a moment, or they desire to make an entrance that attracts the attention of all the men in the establishment. A perceptive man will register the fact on the con side of the ledger before you sit down.

10. Do Make Eye Contact.

If the man has the courtesy to offer you a seat with a view, don’t spend the evening looking past him at the comings and goings of the other patrons. He’ll appreciate receiving your full attention while you are together.

11. Don’t Drink Too Much.

If you feel you need a little hooch to calm your nerves, one or two glasses of beer or wine should be sufficient. Any more than that and you risk your date’s suspecting that you have a problem. Few things are less attractive to a man than a wasted woman. Be conservative with your drinking the first time out. If you find the man to be a drinker, you can dive into the giggle juice together on the second date.

12. Don’t Cancel At The Last Minute.

Once you agree to a day and time for the date, respect it. Some women get cold feet as the day approaches and either cancel or fail to show up. This is bad form. If you make a date, keep it, and if you have a problem, call and suggest an alternative plan.

13. Do Be Pleasant.

Be nice. Niceness is an intangible that no one can define, but all men know it when they see it. Let down your guard a little, and try to enjoy the evening without sparing, bragging, or telling stories that make you seem desperate.

Be yourself, don’t tell stories, arrive on time, don’t cancel unless you suggest another time and place, be honest about the money, take off your armor, and drop your shield. You may just find yourself having a wonderful time.

14. Good Luck!

I add point #14 to wish you luck on future first dates and to avoid the obvious problem of this list’s containing 13 hints. We all need a little luck in order to find the person of our dreams, and hopefully, these suggestions will contribute to yours.

2 comments… add one

  • maria kipper November 14, 2010 at 9:48 am

    Me desculpe, mais não acredito muito no teu artigo sobre “first date”. És muito contraditório. Se cada um deve ser o que é, porque colocar limitações na comunicações dos dois parceiros. Limitações são veículos que escondem o verdadeiro carácter de um dos parceiros. Na verdade, quando confrontamos pessoas calculista e interesseiras, acredite-me, aí é que os truques entram em ação. Precisamos de sorte para não cairmos na mão de oportunistas. Quando isso acontece, a batalha ficará do lado daquele que é mais esperto. Quando nos envolvemos com oportunistas tudo é invertido. Por exemplo: amor é traduzido por fraqueza, honestidade por fácil de ser explorada. Moral da estória, quando duas pessoas se encontram com a possibilidade de haver laços sentimentais, não deveríamos ir com um plano de se ganhar alguém, mais de se descobrir alguém. Só quando descobrimos mágica no relacionamento é que valhe a pena continuar. Me desculpe se discordo de você, amigo. Até outra vez.

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  • martha November 14, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    These comments are from one who does not date for what it is worth. Can’t imagine a person talking about the ex or the son. Agreed that the check should be split. You have set forth sensible suggestions for using basic good manners. Although I am often amazed at the folks who don’t have a clue about basic social interaction . When conversing with a new acquaintance it is important to ask questions without being intrusive and let the other person talk. It’s just a way of being gracious and making a person feel comfortable.

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