Photo by David Long
I cannot answer the first question, but I can make some suggestions regarding the second one. Here are fourteen things women can do to become more feminine:
Femininity hint #1: Don’t cut your hair.
Hair is decorative and feminine. If you chop it off, you sacrifice part of your appeal. Cutting your hair is not a fatal error, but if longer hair is part of the initial package you present to your man, doing away with it may undermine your femininity in his eyes.
Many men don’t complain when their women get haircuts. I can assure you, though, that no matter how accepting of your new coiffure your man seems to be, he wants your hair to be at least as long as it was when he met you.
Femininity hint #2: If you’re overweight, lose weight. If you’re not overweight, don’t gain weight.
Many women mistakenly believe that they must be natural beauties or remain eternally young to be attractive to men. Nothing could be further from the truth. Virtually all women are feminine and attractive, if they’re thin.
Overweight women spend too much time putting on makeup and primping their hair. Their focus on themselves from the neck up is striking evidence that they don’t have a clue about what attracts men. If these misguided ladies spent as much energy on improving themselves from the neck down as they do on makeup and hairdos, they would be far more attractive.
Femininity hint #3: Dress in feminine clothing.
The feminist movement of the 1970s created a generation of women who believe that being comfortable is more important than looking good. No man is attracted to a woman in a sweat suit. Tennis skirt, yes; sweat suit, no. Tank top, yes; sweat suit, no. Snug-fitting jeans, yes; sweat suit, no.
You get the idea. The stores are filled with feminine clothing for women. Buy it, and wear it! The nicer clothing, by the way, is designed for females who pay attention to Femininity hint #2.
Femininity hint #4: Don’t put excessive cream on your face (or curlers in your hair) when you go to bed.
Photo by Foxtongue
Femininity hint #5: Be a listener.
Focusing on the other person in a relationship brings harmony and often is as healing to the listener as it is to the speaker. Listening is a feminine function that will work wonders to further your connection with your man.
Femininity hint #6: Be pleasant and playful.
Being flirtatious creates positive vibes between you and your partner. Have fun! Hanging out together should be joyful. Be upbeat, and try to do things that will make his day better. This is mostly a matter of attitude, but your attention to pleasing details will help both of you have a good time.
Femininity hint #7: Don’t be competitive.
You may be better than your man at everything under the sun, but that misses the point. Your part in maintaining a relationship with him is to be on his side, not to outdo him.
Avoid being a know-it-all. If you really like the man you’re with, you won’t feel a need to compete with him at every opportunity. Good relationships are not about proving how much you know, but rather about lifting up the other person. If you do so, he will be more likely to do the same thing in return. Sure, you might have to be the first one to do it. So what?
Femininity hint #8: Use perfume.
Aromas are extremely feminine, and you should use them during the day and at night. Being feminine is about nurturing aspects of yourself that your man lacks. Smelling good, decorating your hair, and wearing feminine clothing will get his attention. If you do these things, he’ll be likely to seek ways to smell good and look better as well.
Femininity hint #9: Avoid arguing.
In any lasting relationship, at least one of the parties must be mature enough to stop arguments before they start. One trick for forestalling spats is to focus on helping the other person have a good day. Another is to forgo having the last word. Doing these things consistently is not easy, but the payoff is harmony that will give you lasting rewards.
Femininity hint #10: Don’t be boisterous.
Loud people are unattractive, and aggressive women are unfeminine. If you feel you must be pushy to succeed in the business world, fine, but if you are unable to turn off the pushiness after work, don’t expect men to want you around. Men seek women who bring feminine qualities to the table. If you understand this, you will have a man worth having. If you don’t, you may end up going out on Saturday nights with groups of ladies who also don’t get it.
Femininity hint #11: Take a shower before going to bed.
Going to bed clean and fragrant is highly feminine, although for men to do so is also masculine. Showering, putting on perfumed body cream, and donning fresh nightclothes at bedtime contribute to your femininity and attractiveness to your partner.
Femininity hint #12: Hold your own, but not too tough.
You need not be unsuccessful, submissive, or unintelligent to be feminine, but you do have to like being female and enjoy your role in complementing the man’s talents.
You don’t have to accept a back seat in your area of expertise, but taking your man to the mat on every issue is no way to further a relationship. If you’re doing most of the other things on this list, you’ll find that your man will give you credit when it’s due.
Femininity hint #13: Be different from your man.
The male-female contrast is what makes life interesting. Men already possess masculine traits, and they are looking for partners with characteristics that complement their own. Women who strive to be manly often succeed in the workaday world while at the same time destroying their partners’ reasons for being with them in the first place.
Gentleness, kindness, empathy, sympathy, and deference are qualities that most men value. Cultivating these attributes in yourself will further your relationship and bring harmony to your home.
Femininity hint #14: Be mindful of your language.
Few things are less feminine than using foul language, especially when the usage is off the cuff. Most women successfully avoid employing the strongest profanity, but females who express themselves without expletives of any kind have the most class and appeal.
Extra-credit Femininity hint: Pay close attention to Femininity hint #2.
Nailing Femininity hint #2 will get you a bye on some of the others. If you’re overweight, you can reduce by eating healthful foods and exercising. You need not do strenuous workouts and sweat like a horse to get in shape. Walking at a leisurely pace for an hour a day is sufficient. You must do it every day, though, and your exercise program must be combined with eating right for it to be effective.
With respect to food intake, I suggest drinking a vegetables-and-fruit shake at the beginning of each day. For lunch and dinner, focus on low-fat, low-sugar, low-calorie, low-starch choices with generous portions of chicken, fish, turkey, vegetables, grains, and fruits, and you’ll be off to an excellent start.
I have no doubt that you will think of other things to enhance your femininity and improve your connectedness with your partner. Be creative, but don’t expect everything you try to result in a home run. Work on lifting your man up in a variety of ways, and hopefully, you’ll find yourself in a harmonious relationship that will bring you satisfaction beyond your expectations.
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
“You need not be unsuccessful, submissive, or unintelligent to be feminine…” What in the world does this mean? So, we have to bow our head all the time and act like ignorant children just to be feminine? I can’t really accept that. I don’t agree with the idea that if you are successful and confident about yourself, no man will shed eyes on you. I have a boyfriend and he really loves the fact that I am my own self. All the other hints are okay, but this one is I think over the boundaries.
Either you’ve misread my statement (“not” is an important word there), or I’m misreading your comment. Perhaps the double-negative construction is confusing. At any rate, thank you for reading the article and for taking the time to comment.
I like feminine women. To me, being feminine does not mean that the woman is a beauty queen. Being feminine does not mean that the woman is beneath the level of a man. Being feminine, to me, means that the woman is bringing out the best physical qualities of herself.
Women are more feminine (and men more masculine) when they do all they can with what they’ve been given. Thanks for your comment, Marc.
I have read your blog a number of times. It is hard to agree with everything. The blog is full of truths and opinions,so I decided to share my opinions. I believe if a woman is healthy (body and mind), she’ll be feminine. Hair, clothing, and perfume are decorative but not always a sign of femininity. We don’t lose our femininity because of a short hair or even curlers. That the curlers can be improper if they are used on the wrong occasion, I would agree with you. I don’t trust a male to know everything that would make me feel feminine. There is a time for everything under the sun. I think you should have include that. My daughter said to me one day, “Mom, don’t you think you are dressing up like a teenager?” My skirt was making me more attractive (even though I am not a pretty woman) than feminine. As time goes by, there is a right reason for a woman to be attractive and feminine. Maybe we don’t agree that femininity and beauty are two distinctive qualities. Because some of yours outwardly hints help women with their beauty, the reaction is to be attractive. You were not wrong when you said, “men like women.” But to a men love a women, take more than the “hints”of this article. The list of “hints” related to inwardly qualities of a woman, I have a lot to disagree, too. There is time for everything. Time to listener and to say something; to be pleasant and not to be (not rude), and in a mood to play or not. Takes two people to arguing. All the other ones evolves around communications problems. The way you set up, it makes me believe that the men has insecurity problem. I’ll stop. Thank you for your blog. Keep up the good work. If you get a lot of misunderstood feedback, it was worth the brainstorm that you have caused in us women. thank you for keeping us on track.
Oi! aqui é uma conhecida do Brasil. Você tem todo o direito de ter suas opiniões, as quais são muito valiosas, porém gostaria de repartir as minhas. Tuas sugestões parecem mais diretrizes para uma mulher se tornar bonita do que feminina. Coisas externas, como cabelo, roupa e até perfume, são decorações que ajudam a mulher ficar bonita, e consequentemente, atraente. Você nunca faz uma mulher feia ficar bonita, porém você pode encontrar uma mulher feia sendo feminina. Não concordo que todos os homens sabem o que faz uma mulher se sentir feminina. Se o homen dá palpite na mulher, em como se tornar atraente, acho que ele olha para ela como um objeto de arte e não como um ser humano. Não esqueças que existe muita diferença em ser atraente (homem gosta de mulher) e em ser feminina (homem é inclinado a amar uma mulher). Quanto as outras sugestões, referente a inter-relações, algumas dão a impressão que o homem é inseguro, dominador, ou narcisista. Obrigada pela dedicação que dás ao teu blogo. Muitas mulheres vão ter muito o que pensar. Principalmente à respeito ao peso, higiene e relaxamento em como se vestir (o que chamamos desleixo). Bem, obrigada pelo excelente trabalho.
Like Maria Kipper, I think some of these tips make me believe that men have insecurity problem. Women should not show their own power & abilities and must always compliment men and place theirselves second otherwise no man wants them. It means that men need to have someone weaker, more unintelligent, etc beside them to feel good & they aren’t enough self confident.
Fantastic- I hear ya. Much to the disgust of my peers- I am about to give up my high powered job and take on the role of housewife, Mummy and Wife, a role which is becoming increasingly looked down upon. This shifting change in attitude is much to the detriment of society in particular to our children, in my current job I see evidence of this impact daily and it’s heartbreaking. The feminist movement has indeed given women equal opportunities but to cost of our children.
Something women have missed, perhaps, is that it’s not necessary to sacrifice femininity in order to be successful. One place where the feminist movement has particularly hurt us is in teaching. The most talented women used to become teachers, and now they seek success in other professions. That’s fine, but as a society, we’ve not found a way to replace them in the schools, and result is obvious. I’m not saying that all talented women should become teachers, but I am saying that we need to recognize that the void that their exodus from the teaching profession has created must somehow be filled. The same thing is true for stay-at-home moms. Somebody has to teach the kids, and if too many talented moms work 60-hour weeks, the system will break. Thanks for reading the article and for commenting. Good luck with your new endeavor.